Thursday, January 07, 2010

In which I talk about my boobs.

I got to sub today. I taught elementary school special ed. Cute kids. Although one of them looked just like Victor from Family Guy:

He was creepy.

So this school has a big room that’s a combo work room/staff room. It’s like the combohole of classrooms. There’s a woman that has her own desk there. I’m not sure what she does exactly, but there she is. She’s older, probably early 60s. When she saw me come in today, she looked right at me and said, with a smile, “two fried eggs.” Bwa? Bear in mind, I was not eating eggs. I was carrying a travel mug of hot chocolate , which is similar, but there weren’t eggs anywhere. She tells me that being flat chested is like having two fried eggs on your chest. Her husband once gave her a t-shirt with a picture of two fried eggs right at chest level. She was not amused.

And a good morning to you, too.

As far as I can tell, I didn’t walk into the middle of a conversation. I’m thinking she may have looked at me and immediately decided she should comment on my chest. Which is… well, coming from an old woman, sort of horrible, sort of hilarious. I did have a bulky sweater on today, but I’m pretty sure I at least have SOMETHING in there. I realize there’s such thing as boobs so big it’s the first thing you notice, but so small? Looks like I’ll be using my sub pay to get implants.

You be the judge. I’m in PJs and no bra.

They’re not much, but they’re SOMETHING. My projectile ribs don’t help this situation. It’s like I have 4 tiny boobs. Even at my heaviest (Calculating for how much my old scale underweighed, I may have bee ~150 at 5’2”) you could still count my ribs. I’m built strangely.

Should the human body even do that?


a frog named purl said...

um. WUT! that is so unbelievable inconsiderate and rude. what an old bag. the nerve of her. if she had a penis it would be absolutely unacceptable for her to make that comment. and so even if she doesn't have one it's the same. i would've had to read her her rights. holy shiz. that judgmental bitch! can you tell i am heated?

knarly, the grass is always greener. i would trade anyone for a perky set like yours. i had them once. then i ate too many damn cookies. i was the proud VP of the IBTC. proud i tell ya.

really the nerve of her to judge and out loud too! think what you want but to greet a stranger in this manner is really something else.

Anonymous said...

Hey, so maybe you're not rocking 36D or anything, but honestly I've had to play with those before and from my perspective, that's not fun at all. All they do is hang there. They don't look good, and they stress the bearer out. Trust me, I heard nothing but complaints about it.

Anyway, moving on to your specifically. You're not wearing a bra, and look how perky those look! That's something to be proud of. You look good, like really good, and if I was you I'd be happy to wear those around!