Thursday, November 10, 2011
Wednesday, November 09, 2011
Tuesday, November 01, 2011
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Turns out, full time job, full time school, and an internship all at once kind of blow. Things are getting put off that shouldn't, and I'm putting myself at the bottom of my priorities. I've gained a lot of weight, which I'm trying to starve off, since its not like I have time for food anyways. Overall my mood has been lower since September. I get mad at myself for not getting things done, yet its hard to work up the motivation to get started despite that. I have no energy, though I can't sleep.
So overall, I'm doing pretty good.
Being able to knit with your eyes closed is a good skill for when you don't have any energy left but feel guilty (because whether its caused by your workplace, your schoolwork, or your eating habits, you always feel guilty) just doing absolutely nothing.
The least helpful thing anyone has said to me during all this has been "you need a vacation." And if I was allowed to take one that'd be great. But for now, all I can do is just keep slogging through. Eventually, it has to get better, right?
Monday, September 12, 2011
Monday, August 29, 2011
7 minutes away from the first class of this year and I'm already checked out.
So far its really nice to see the other part timers and connect with them again. It's hard to feel like you're part of something when you're not full time, where you don't have that shared connection as strongly.
Professor just came in; so far I like him. I have a good feeling.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Sunday, May 08, 2011
Monday, April 18, 2011
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Monday, April 11, 2011
Saturday, April 09, 2011
Thursday, April 07, 2011
Heart wants me to create.
Body wants me to move.
Brain wants me to work.
Mind doesn't want me to do a goddamn thing.
Things are hard right now. Too many changes all at once. Despite my assertion that I'd be ok, that's a lot to ask with the sheer amount I have to do right now. The school assignment list is daunting enough on its own. Of course, when there's that much to do, nothing happens. I know what I need to do. And I know what I'd like to do. But lately, there's too much of a disconnect between that and what really happens.
Which scares me.
It'll come together. It always does. It's just hard as hell being stuck in this cycle until it does.
Saturday, April 02, 2011
Thursday, March 31, 2011
My last post was about taking meditation time, looking at the moon, reassuring myself about the coming changes in my life. Some are good, some are bittersweet, some are wonderful, some are terrifying. But all are happening and all are important.
I won't go into the ones that need not be on the internet, but I've made it clear that my job at a homeless shelter was extremely important to me. Note the use of past tense. I've had an opportunity to take a full time job with a new agency. Having a full time job that won't disappear after 4 months due to grant funding is huge, and a massive step for me. It's also one if those things that's too good to pass up, even if that means incurring losses.
I grieved my job at the shelter, grieved the friends I'd made there on staff, grieved the relationships I'd built with clients who I no longer have the time to check in on. This has been my world, my self-definition for the last year. And now everything is different.
The first two weeks have been sort of a terrifying learning experience. Week one was orientation, which I suppose I got something out of, like long drives in the snow, which can be nice if you're not trying to get to an unknown place on time. This week has been the real thing. Or at least, shadowing the real thing. It's been a variety of things to watch, some useful, some perplexing.
As with all things, this transition will work out for the best. I'll get the hang of the job. It's just exacerbated by everything else going on with school, family, relationships. I'm at a point with school where the assignments have piled up and I so don't care, much like happened last time I started a job. And because research methods is a horrible class. Which I am currently sitting in.
All things for a reason, and a plan for everything. Always my mantra, no matter the transition.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Wednesday, March 09, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
Monday, January 10, 2011
Sunday, January 09, 2011
- I used to make this sandwich in college I saw on TV once, called "The Flying Elvis." Peanut butter, banana, and honey, warmed up and pressed flat in a panini grill. There's an alternate version where you spread peanut butter inside a hot dog bun, plop a banana in the bun, and drizzle honey over it, but you look like an idiot eating it.
- I bought a new cupcake book, and want to make everything in it. Honey might make a good topper.
- I realize honey can be used as a sweetener in baking. But I want to take this a little more hardcore first.